I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
