woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
