How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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