woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
