Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
