Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
