South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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