OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
