need another drink. this is the easiest way
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
