apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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