my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize