real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
