Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
