I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
