I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
