we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
