I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
