my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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