That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
