i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
