if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
