Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
