I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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