What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm at about main and main street
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
