ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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