My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
