This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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