I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
