She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
