Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
