I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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