totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
