I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
