i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
