I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
