I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize