If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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