god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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