Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
birth control should be required to get into college
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
