So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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