we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let's get the cat blown out
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
