please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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