omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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