i just had sex bonerless
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
