I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
