Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize