I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
