When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize