I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
