She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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