She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
