Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
