Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
