he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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