So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
