there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize