OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
