JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
