There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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