even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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