Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize