Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
