You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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