im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize