I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
