I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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