...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
