he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
