i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
