The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
