You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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