The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
