Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
