ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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