im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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