I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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