I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
