i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
