you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
