Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
