the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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