you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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