you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
