If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
