When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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