I wish my penis had an off switch
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
