Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
