this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
