we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
