After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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