When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Will exercising make me less horny?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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