I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
