White coat. Heels.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
