Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
