I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize